STOP & LISTEN.. A note to self & others...

It is interesting how people change over the years, how the wants & needs rule people's thought processes.

Though one has been confident & happy, by being amongst people who are driven by materialistic things, you either start to run after money or start to become sad & negative. 

Living with unhappy & negative people, over the years, one tends change streaks to that of negativity too. 

Some brag about their lives, though they aren't in anyway different from that of many, but the way they share make others feel inadequate. Gone are the days when you'd feel proud when someone appreciates you, your family or the loved ones. Now people are bragging about themselves. Society is either becoming narcisstic or people have started living sad existances.

These days people get into solution mode the minute someone starts telling them about issues. Sometimes they are insignificant, they simply want to share; if something is bothering them, they share to get it out of their system. That does not mean they want solution. We share things with people, sometimes for the heck of it. Sometimes we seek solace by sharing; Sometimes it is therapeutic to talk it out. The sad part is that people don't realise these, but form opinions, based on what is being shared. It is sad that we are surrounded by people who are judgemental. We should STOP &  accept we are privileged that someone is sharing things with us.

Being judgemental in relationships, be it any, causes unpleasantness. Unfortunately in this day & age it is very prevalent. People live fast lives. Concentration is dying;  patience is wearing off; Society has become so materialistic; people want quick results in everything, be it work or personal lives. Not many have time to invest, bond & build relationships. 

Listening skills are slowly diminishing. People have little or no patience nor inclination to listen to their friends, families or loved ones. In some relationships there would be one person patiently listening all the time. Things would work well for a while. They would also lose their patience eventually & end up walking away. Lack of listening skills, not giving time for people are some of the primary drivers for depression in the current & next generations.

Marriages are falling apart, kids are getting depressed, friendships are failing... What are we doing to ourselves & our loved ones? When was the last time you let your loved ones open up, vent out or share their innermost feelings without interrupting or brushing off? 

Stop being impatient; stop being judgemental; develop listening skills. Appreciate people's individualities. Learn the art of making at least one person happy each day!

Sanctity of an institution called Friendship

I guess one can never know what's right or wrong when it comes to love & friendship.

That's the situation I am currently in. In my case, it has to do with friendship. I let go of ego, tolerated abusive words, accusations, put up with humiliations from others, not just my friend alone. However, it eventually ended in a break up. Why did I tolerate all of the above, you may ask. Reason, I have never come across anyone who connected so well with me. To me, this friend is too precious.

I still can not take the break up of this beautiful & precious friendship easily, despite my friend walking away from the relationship telling me that some other friend was preferred over me. Also, I have lost my dad too very recently & still trying to come to terms with the loss of the most loved person in my World. I longed for my friend for solace at a time of grief, but it's not meant to be. I am still hoping that things will work out between me & my friend. Does this make me a weakling? I don't think so. Am I an idiot for believing in the sanctity of friendship? I hope not.

For centuries the word "friendship" has denoted a relationship between mutually caring & supportive people who would not deny each other’s fundamental rights and freedoms. My understanding of friendship is that we respect one another, value, encourage & celebrate each other's individualities, creativities, while giving each other space & let each other grow. At least, that's what I think & strongly believe. Oh boy! Am I wrong? Honest to God, hope I am not.

My friend's favourite quote is "Death of a friend is better than death of friendship". Hope my friend realises that our friendship should not die.

That's my prayer to dear Lord.

Friends with benefits

Let me tell you a story of this friend of mine. She and her “friend” live in different cities. They, whenever possible, meet somewhere, have their few days of romance, and go their separate ways. They are ‘friends with benefits.’

Over time, they became really close. They are intimate, yet are completely free of any emotions, as they claim. They feel comfortable sharing everything with each other because they feel they don’t have anything to lose. They share their heartbreaks, their secrets within marriages, work dramas, everything. She feels great that she knows something about him that no one else did. “Sometimes it sounds as if we are more honest with our ‘friends with benefits’ than we are with our spouses”, she says. Hmm! interesting... 

According to her, a friend with benefit can offer you a type of intimacy that even committed relationships can't. I guess she has reasons to say that since there are no strings attached. I have many questions on these; mind you, I am non-judgemental.

How does this “friendship with benefit” culminate in the first place?

Is it possible to have sex with somebody and not have any emotional bonding?

And, what if one ends up developing attachment?

So many such questions flood my mind. These and many more may remain unanswered. So, I choose to answer these to the best of my abilities. This is my take, my take only. Heart-to-heart conversations with life partners have become a rarity as their priorities since initial years of marriage have changed. There are many additions to the family, kids to bring up, educate, parents to take care of, running after career progressions, the need for more and more money. There is a need in many to reach out the first person who one feels connected. The comfort of companionship, friendship and sexual gratification without the baggage that each of their own marriages bring, could this be the driving factor? I guess so. I feel the emotional bonding might eventually happen and that's when the arrangement might fall apart, if both are not on the same page or transforms into something serious, though that might spell disaster. It is important for both the parties to be on the same page beforehand, during and after the ‘relationship’ has taken off. Only then, everything can remain in order. It is highly recommended that both have a mature take on the whole relationship at all times.

Is it possible to have sex with somebody and not have any emotional bonding? To the best of my knowledge it is not possible. 

There is nothing irrational about indulging in “friends with benefits relationship”, as long as both parties are clear about it. Flirting is a primitive call for mating. Sex is a bodily need. If one of the partners ends up developing feelings for the other, it's time to take a call - whether to stay or leave. Communication is the key. Always, communicate, as feelings change often. Best thing to do is to be open about it and talk it all out. If you don't expect emotional support from that person, tell them that. If you think you can’t take this forward, tell them that. If you are sure you cannot have that emotional connect and companionship, it's better to leave.