Friends with benefits

Let me tell you a story of this friend of mine. She and her “friend” live in different cities. They, whenever possible, meet somewhere, have their few days of romance, and go their separate ways. They are ‘friends with benefits.’

Over time, they became really close. They are intimate, yet are completely free of any emotions, as they claim. They feel comfortable sharing everything with each other because they feel they don’t have anything to lose. They share their heartbreaks, their secrets within marriages, work dramas, everything. She feels great that she knows something about him that no one else did. “Sometimes it sounds as if we are more honest with our ‘friends with benefits’ than we are with our spouses”, she says. Hmm! interesting... 

According to her, a friend with benefit can offer you a type of intimacy that even committed relationships can't. I guess she has reasons to say that since there are no strings attached. I have many questions on these; mind you, I am non-judgemental.

How does this “friendship with benefit” culminate in the first place?

Is it possible to have sex with somebody and not have any emotional bonding?

And, what if one ends up developing attachment?

So many such questions flood my mind. These and many more may remain unanswered. So, I choose to answer these to the best of my abilities. This is my take, my take only. Heart-to-heart conversations with life partners have become a rarity as their priorities since initial years of marriage have changed. There are many additions to the family, kids to bring up, educate, parents to take care of, running after career progressions, the need for more and more money. There is a need in many to reach out the first person who one feels connected. The comfort of companionship, friendship and sexual gratification without the baggage that each of their own marriages bring, could this be the driving factor? I guess so. I feel the emotional bonding might eventually happen and that's when the arrangement might fall apart, if both are not on the same page or transforms into something serious, though that might spell disaster. It is important for both the parties to be on the same page beforehand, during and after the ‘relationship’ has taken off. Only then, everything can remain in order. It is highly recommended that both have a mature take on the whole relationship at all times.

Is it possible to have sex with somebody and not have any emotional bonding? To the best of my knowledge it is not possible. 

There is nothing irrational about indulging in “friends with benefits relationship”, as long as both parties are clear about it. Flirting is a primitive call for mating. Sex is a bodily need. If one of the partners ends up developing feelings for the other, it's time to take a call - whether to stay or leave. Communication is the key. Always, communicate, as feelings change often. Best thing to do is to be open about it and talk it all out. If you don't expect emotional support from that person, tell them that. If you think you can’t take this forward, tell them that. If you are sure you cannot have that emotional connect and companionship, it's better to leave.