I read somewhere that a drama student set out to follow the footsteps of Grace Kelly and Robert Redford, when she started at the New York acting school they attended. She faced stiff competition – and never let a rare, incurable condition, gastroparesis (means she can’t eat solid food and must be fed via a tube into her intestine for 10 to 15 hours a day) come in the way of her dream. She’d feed herself at night, so that it didn’t interfere with her day-to-day life, as it was difficult to be connected to a machine on the main supply and can’t move. Adding to that, it was difficult to get a good night’s sleep.
When others face such daunting challenges, we look on and admire their fortitude. I have looked upon many such individuals with total respect and admiration, some are my very good friends.
So, how does a young person keep going? How does the mum having chemotherapy for a life-threatening cancer, get up, make the packed lunches and take the kids to school? How do parents who have lost a child, go to work and get back to normalcy? How does a person who has lost his or her whole family in the blink of an eye, cope with the losses? How did I, having been verbally taunted as a new bride at the age of 18, cope? How did I cope up, all alone, at the age of 23, in an all new foreign land, when told my child’s life was in my hands and I had to call the shots? How do/did I cope with all verbal abuses, hurtful remarks, few close calls with health, back stabbing, having been cheated on financially? How many times I have had to pick up myself?
What keeps us going at testing times? What helps us get up, try again, fight back, build ourselves from scratch? Is it resilience? Whether it’s dealing with a life-threatening diagnosis or the loss of a loved one, we are remarkably resilient as a species. We don’t fully understand the science, but we know the support of others is crucial. Is it the inner strength we never knew existed in us? I personally think it is bit of both. Adding to that, hope is another strong one that helps us get back on track once we are back on our feet.
Each of us, as parents should teach our children to see adversity as a challenge. You should tell them to react to adversity by reaching out. Suffering in silence isn’t resilience – it’s just suffering.
Resilience isn’t just about the individual having to deal with adversity alone; it’s about the family, friends, community that surround us. We need to overcome the idea that one must be brave, stay calm or bottle it up and eventually we would get over it all. I have done that many times in life. Trust me, it was not the best way to go about handling adverse situations; Surely it has affected my health and made me dwell in self-pity for a while. When I reached out and sought out help, I could deal with my situations better, knowing fully well there was someone to lend a hand emotionally or physically, to pick me up or sit beside. Bouncing back becomes easier then.
A comment made by an elderly person, that she admired my fortitude, made me feel good about myself, made me realise how far I have come in life, how I am perceived by others, some of whom might feel inspired by a normal lady like myself. Who knows who you might inspire!
What I learnt is, that the harder life gets, the stronger and more resilient we become!!
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